She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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