wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
