But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
