YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
