dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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