Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
