i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
