Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize