i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
