Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
