please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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