I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
These tits shall not be calmed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
