If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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