dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
