imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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