your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
