Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize