I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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