So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
