I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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