come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
