Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I sprained my soul last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
