Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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