Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
