Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
