Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im holly from the hills drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
