My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
