just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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