God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
