if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
