I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
