I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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