YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
