bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
