Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
