my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
