put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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