That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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