I got chris browned last night
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
