Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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