Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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