I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
