It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I smell stomach acid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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