My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
