I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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