When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
