I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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