don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
