Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
