Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
