Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
