His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
