I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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