Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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