You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize