dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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