I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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