I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
