the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
