walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
