Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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