Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize