You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
