Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
