Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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