I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
