she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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