my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
