Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I smell like Dick and happiness
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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