You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
