Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
