And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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