Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
