my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
