Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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