hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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