im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
