Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
