So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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