so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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