So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
