Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
