I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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