drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
