I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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