Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
