i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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