I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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