shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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