On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
