you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
