Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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