After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
