there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dear god my vagina.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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