this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
