Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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