The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
