yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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