Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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