Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
