ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
