its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
