you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
