We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
