Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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