Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
