Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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