come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize