where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
