took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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