you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
